Masses of Everything

A Story Worth Hearing

I think I will make A Story Worth Hearing into a weekly event. These will be uplifting stories of folks who are living examples of the undying human spirit.

The second story also comes from Jim Rome and is that of Philadelphia Eagle Vince Papale. Papale, a substitute teacher, attends and open tryout to make the Eagles team and become a contributor the to Eagles teams of the late ‘70s.

Favorite State of the Union Moments

I actually watched most of the State of the Union address. Here are a few of my favorite moments from the night’s festivus.

1. Cindy getting busted before the coin toss. And she wants to call the President and idiot?
2. Democratic West Virginian and Grand Wizard Robert Byrd standing on the house floor is full wizard regalia singing “Burning down the house”.
3. Trent Lott beginning to stand to sing with Senator Byrd and then sitting back down, nervously looking around to see if anyone noticed.
4. Ted Kennedy heckling the president as he took the podium saying “adsfae gwhkbl you’ve bpoldp, damn it!” He then fell face first over his desk. Rumor has it yakked on Hill’s new pumps.
5. Dick Chaney restarting his heart four times during the President’s speech and never once having to leave his seat.
6. New Orleans Mayor Nagin tossing Hershey Kisses at the legislators below in honor of his city’s new status as America’s “chocolate city”. However, in his rush to grab the treats and get to the event on time he picked up the wrong bag. Many of the legislators were visibly confused when they opened the little morsel to find white chocolate. Shelia Jackson Lee threw hers back.
7. Ted Kennedy awaking from his stupor to attempt to claim his share of Nagin’s chocolate and becoming involved in a confrontation Barney Frank.
8. Strangely, former congressman Jim Traficant rushed the mike, began beating the President with his famous toupee, and screaming “Beam me up Scotty!”

At that point I awoke in a puddle of drool and realized that I had fallen asleep after Cindy got busted and the rest was just a dream. To quote part of President Bush’s address that I dreamed “Screw you guys- I’m going home.”

State of the Tivo

Since I know that all of us pajama wearing Edward R. Murrow wantabies will be watching the State of the Union address, what will you be keeping the Tivo fires burning?

Why did I shave my head?

I shaved my head last night, and have no idea as to why. Here are the best five excuses I could come up with:

5. It cuts down on lice.

4. I'm hoping to become a human billboard.

3. I was tired of having to brush my hair every morning. (Both of them.)

2. I'm starting a career as a Curly impersonator.

1. I want to be aerodynamic of the upcoming winter Olympics.

Feel free to let me know of other uses for a bald, partly empty skull. (Keep it clean! This is a family blog, damn it!)

A Story Worth Hearing

Since I've had a good bit of free time during the week I've been listening to the Sports Animal and the Jim Rome Show. This week Rome had an interview with Jim Maclaren. Maclaren was hit by a New York City bus and lost a leg. After working his way back and competing against able bodied men in triathlons, Maclaren was involved in another accident and paralyzed from the chest down. His story is a remarkable one and well worth hearing.

McMinn County Texts

Barry from Inn of the Last Home has pointed out that while the answer to my Super Bowl math is correct, the way I got there was a bit off the mark.  Turns out the "L" in XL equals 50 and not the 30 I reckoned. Never trust McMinn County Texts. Let's face it - if a rual county of less than 50k people decided to produce its own educational material, its bound to be a tad limited. Bubba, Ruffus, Billy Bob, and Clyde only bring so much to the table. Thanks to Barry for pointing out my error, and thanks to the rest of you who were kind enough and polite enough not to burst my bubble of delusion that I was educated.

Way to Go O!

O.K., I've never been an Oprah fan. In fact I have been one of the many who has lamented the Oprahization of America. That said, I thought what Oprah did today was incredible. It's hard enough to admit when you're wrong, and I can only imagine how that is amplified when doing it in front of millions of people. As now everyone knows, James Frey's book "A Million Little Pieces" has about as much truth to it as an Enron financial statement. Oprah stood today for truth and admitted "I was wrong."

In his memoir/book/fable/lie, Mr. Frey is very hard on NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). Both programs require unwavering honesty.

"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves." AA Big Book p.59

We have seen how difficult this can be as it took Oprah herself weeks to admit that she was wrong. But she has shown what Bill W. and Dr. Bob discovered that to recover you must first latch onto honesty as your foundation.  Oprah knows that recovery can only start from the truth. Recovery doesn't mean just not taking a drink or drug, but instead reaching as best one can, one day at a time, for serenity and a closer contact with God.

Thanks Oprah! (Shame on you James Frey!)

What the hell does the "L" mean?

I had to go back to my 3rd grade Roman Numeral text (What? We had 3rd grade texts in McMinn Co.) Turns out the L=30 thus making Super Bowl XL the 40th one. With only two weeks of hype for a fan to sort through, I've got to figure out who to root for.

My first two choices the Titans and Colts are sitting at home watching the game like me. So I look at each team looking for a reason to pull for them. There is a player who has been in the league 13 years and has been a momentous force on his team. Not the fat guy named after the kiddie carrier, but the Seahawk's Marc Strong. The unsung fullback has been in the league and with the same team for 13 NFL seasons. The other test is how many former Vols are on each team. Both teams can only brag of one UT alum. Push.

Therefore my support will go to the Strong. Go Seahawks!

And they're off!

The year is less than a month old and already the horses are out of the shoot in the race for the Biggest Idiot of 2006. Kanye West is posing as Jesus on the cover of Rolling Stone. I'm not sure which is more Christ like - Kanye whining about losing to Gretchen Wilson or informing the world about the dangers of gold diggers.

No sooner than Kanye gets out to an early lead, here comes Joel Stein on the outside. He actually came out today to announce in the LA Times that he does not support our troops. He actually said:

"But blaming the president is a little too easy. The truth is that people who pull triggers are ultimately responsible, whether they're following orders or not. An army of people making individual moral choices may be inefficient, but an army of people ignoring their morality is horrifying. An army of people ignoring their morality, by the way, is also Jack Abramoff's pet name for the House of Representatives." and "But when you volunteer for the U.S. military, you pretty much know you're not going to be fending off invasions from Mexico and Canada. So you're willingly signing up to be a fighting tool of American imperialism, for better or worse. Sometimes you get lucky and get to fight ethnic genocide in Kosovo, but other times it's Vietnam. "

Now the year is still young. Pat Robertson is liable to say something, anything, that would put him in the race and T.O. will probably get picked up by another NFL team. It's a long race but these two men have set a torrid pace that is going to be hard to beat. One thing is for sure - 2006 already looks to be a year filled with idiots.

East Tennessee Thunder

That loud crashing sound you heard last night about 9pm was the collective jaw dropping of the Lady Vol Nation as Duke used us like an orange Piñata. Don't be alarmed by the explosions this afternoon. That's just coach Summitt at practice. She doesn't handle losing 75-53 very well.